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LOVING ONE ANOTHER DEEPLY!
The word that was preached to the original recipients
of this letter went out with the power of the Spirit and changed their hearts. It
changed their hearts so much that they now liked the very people they had no
time for in the past. This is why Peter could write to them as he did
in v. 22 of the first chapter. We read:
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying
the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another
deeply, from the heart.
The obedience to the truth of which Peter speaks
is their initial response to the word that was preached to them. The
gospel was preached to them and they accepted it as the truth. They recognized
themselves as lost sinners in need of the saving hand of God as seen in the
person of Christ Jesus. In receiving the word as the word of God
their hearts were changed.1
What changed? I don't know, but I can
make some good guesses. I suspect, their appetite changed in that they
no longer lusted after the things of the world; no longer turned to alcohol
as the solution to their problems; and no longer wrung their hands in
despair. Instead, they tasted the word of God and found it to meet their
deepest needs. This meant, in part, they no longer looked at others
in the same way.
Because of the changes in their heart, because
they have been regenerated, they had sincere love for their brothers and sisters
in Christ. The Greek word for "love" is the word phileo. In
other words, Peter is initially commending them for reaching the "friendship" stage
in their interpersonal relationships.2
However, "sincere love" is not enough. Within
a church, it is not enough to simply love each other as friends. It
is insufficient because invariably our "friends" are going to step
on our toes!
So Peter commanded the original recipients of
this letter, and he commands us, to love one another deeply. Here, near
the end of the verse, the Greek word for "love" is agapao which means
we are to love our brothers and sisters in Christ as God loves us. Furthermore,
when Peter used the word "deeply" he used a word that means "stretched" or "strained."3
This is the rub! When my toes are stepped
on, when I'm finding it hard to work with others, and even when I have a sharp
disagreement with others in the body, I am to love others deeply. I'm
commanded to make every effort, to stain every nerve, to extend grace and mercy
to others in the body of Christ.
This, of course, is where people throw up their
hands and quit. This is where people walk away from being involved with
the church. This is where members of the church stop talking to one another. This
is the rub that may have prompted G. K. Chesterton to say:
"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has
been found difficult; and left untried."
Okay, before we look at how to handle this command
to love one another deeply, let's look at how not to do it. In other
words, let's look at how to destroy a good relationship. In your opinion,
what are some ways to destroy a good relationship?
We can destroy any good relationship by;
-
putting others down.
-
lying to others.
-
abusing others physically.
-
abusing others verbally.
-
ignoring the needs of others.
-
gossiping about others.
-
-
Go ahead, for your own sake, and extend the
list. Think back to when you have been the victim, or the perpetrator,
of a failed relationship and list the ways in which it was destroyed.
Now let me read to you two paragraphs from a
book by Dr. Henry Cloud in regards to this matter of destroying relationships. He
writes,
"Here's all you have to do to ruin every
relationship in your life: Play fair. If you play fair, you will
ruin all of them. Some may go pretty quickly, others may take longer. But
in the end, you will succeed. Play fair and all your relationships will
be ruined."4
Does that sound about right? No! Playing
fair sounds like the right thing to do whether it is in a game or in the give
and take of relationships. I mean, I have tried my very best to cheat
at dominos and have discovered that others at the table expect me to play fair. In
fact, they insist on it.
A few pages later, in the same book, Dr. Cloud
spoke of a business relationship he was on the verge of entering into with
several parties. As he sat down to finalize the deal with the one person
who could make it all happen, the deal fell apart. It fell apart soon
after the man made what he thought was going to be the very words that would
seal the deal. The man said,
"I am looking forward to working with you. You
seem like a trustworthy person who does good work. I am like that myself. You
can depend on me; I will do my part. You do your part, and I will do
mine. Do me right, and I will do you right. But, don't screw with
me, or you won't like it. Mess with me, and I will mess with you right
back. Treat me well and we'll be fine."
In the white space between this paragraph and
the next one, in the silence of the moment, Dr. Cloud knew, in light of what
the man just said, that this business relationship would never work. He
writes,
"At that moment, I knew our deal was off. There
was no way I was going forward with this man. Why? He just wanted
to play fair. As long as I was treating him well, he would treat me well. Things
would be fine. But if I gave him less than he desired, then he was going
to do the same back at me. Good for good, bad for bad. That is
only fair.
"And it will destroy every relationship
in life.
"So I told the man that our deal would
not work for me, and I would not be able to move forward."5
Jesus, in Luke 6:32 - 35, put it this way,
"If you love those who love you, what credit
is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you
do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners'
do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment,
what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to
be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend
to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great,
and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful
and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
Paul, in Romans 12:17 - 18, put it this way,
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be
careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible,
as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Peter, in I Peter 2:1 - 3, in the context of
v. 22 of the first chapter, put it this way,
"Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice
and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2 Like newborn
babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3
now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Therefore, don't play fair. People who
maintain good relationships, and glorify God in the process, don't go around
settling the score. They do not even keep score. If they run up
the score, and they do, they run it up by treating others better than they
deserve to be treated. For they know that a healthy relationship doesn't
depend upon the other person so much as it depends upon them.6
To this end, Peter contributes to our list of
attributes that can destroy any relationship. Malice is the desire to
harm others, to give to them what you think they deserve. It is the desire
to hurt those who have hurt you. You know you're in this rut when you
spend your sleepless nights shadowboxing with others.
Second, we're to rid ourselves of all deceit. Deceit
is one of those weeds that looks good to the untrained eye but poisons all
relationships. In the early church, Ananias and Sapphira opted to use
this strategy for winning the applause of the church while reaping the material
benefits of holding back on what they had promised to give to the church. They
essentially lied to Holy Spirit, and as a consequence all relationships were
severed in a dramatic manner.
Third, we're to lay aside hypocrisy. As
you know, this is where we pretend to be one person when everybody knows we're
someone else. This self-administered poison may fool us into thinking
we're better than we are in reality but it doesn't fool anyone else. What
is sobering about this love-spoiling attribute is that it doesn't permit a
good relationship to even see the light of day.
Fourth, we're to shake off all seizures of envy. Envy
mourns for what it doesn't have. It can embitter an individual,
such as Saul in the Old Testament, to the point that no one wants to be in
the same room with the person. David, as well as Saul's son Jonathan,
got to the point where they avoided Saul at all cost.
Fifth, we're to avoid the urge to slander others. This
is a slow-working poison that is often administered in such a way that we hardly
notice it. This is especially true among Christians, for knowing they
are not supposed to speak ill of others they refrain from doing so - at
least overtly. After all, the polite way to slander someone is to do
it subtly and that is what we tend to do in our conversations about others.
Finally, we cannot lay aside that which destroys
relationships without maintaining our own spiritual well-being. If we're
down, we can't lift others up. It is for this reason that Peter encourages
us to "crave pure spiritual milk." If we are to love others
deeply, we need to be hooked on the Word.7
1 The
gospel was preached to them by someone other than Peter as evidenced by I
Peter 1:12.
2 To the Thessalonians Paul said: "Now about
brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been
taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all the
brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and
more." See I Thessalonians 4:9 - 10. We see the same
sentiments in Romans 12:9 -10, Hebrews 13:1, and II Peter 1:7.
3 The same term describes the earnestness of Christ's prayer
in Gethsemane. See Luke 22:44.
4 Dr. Henry Cloud, 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed
in Love and Life, Integrity Publishers, a division of Integrity Media,
Inc., 5250 Virginia Way, Suite 110, Brentwood, TN 37027, p. 167.
5 Ibid., pp. 168 - 169.
6 It should be noted that a relationship can be unhealthy
despite the best efforts of someone within the relationship. In that
case, a third party such as a counselor may help or the relationship may need
to be severed for the sake of those involved in it.
7 In Hebrews 5:12 -13 milk, the elementary truths of God,
is contrasted with "solid food." But, I don't think Peter is
thinking of this contrast when he urges us to crave spiritual milk.
PETER: THE MAN AND HIS LETTERS 1/06/08 1
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