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SARAH'S TRIBE!
Darin is what most women dream of when they dream
of meeting someone tall, dark, and handsome. His rugged good looks landed
him a job as a male model that eventually took him to Europe. The
fashion circuit, as you can imagine, has numerous shows in Italy and it is there
that he met and fell in love with a young lady by the name of Angela. They
married, grew tired of modeling, and ended up moving to Chandler as your next
door neighbor.
Have you ever lived next to a couple in which
the woman definitely knows Christ, and not simply as a Catholic icon, and the
husband is out in left field? Have you ever lived next door to a couple
where the wife attends church regularly and the husband stays home and watches
sports and more sports on TV? Have you ever invited a couple into your
home where it is evident that someone like Angela is uncomfortable with her husband's
course language and his insensitive remarks? If so, you can probably give
a pretty good answer to the following question:
What emotions does Angela feel every single day?
It is a painful and discouraging thing to be part
of such a relationship. Darin's thoughtless actions leave Angela with a
deep sense of loneliness. His insensitive comments, even when they
are not aimed at her, wound her spirit. His jokes cause her to take one
step further away from him to avoid the embarrassment. Emotional and relational
isolation, grief, and loss of respect are the inevitable side effects of such
a relationship.
Angela, though a Christian, made the mistake of
trying to solve this problem with what she believed was the only weapon at her
disposal. She began nagging him. She sensed that it was wrong, and
perhaps even counterproductive, but it was the only thing that seemed to work.
Nagging, of course, will produce some changes
in your husbands behavior. But, it will be at the expense of the
relationship. It will be at the expense of the very thing Angela is hoping
to improve. It is interesting to note that the root of the word "nag" comes
from an old Anglo-Saxon term which means "to gnaw." It pictures
a mouse gnawing away on a rope, one small bite at a time. Eventually, the
rope breaks, and what it was holding together is no longer held together.1
Peter, in his first letter, offers a wiser solution
to this common problem within a marriage. In I Peter 3:1 - 6 he writes,
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands
so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without
words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence
of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such
as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead,
it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the
holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham
and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and
do not give way to fear.
First and foremost, we need to note that
this passage is not written to everyone. It is written to those women who
know Christ as their Lord and Savior. It is written to those women who
have husbands who pay little or no attention to Scripture. They pay little
or no attention to the Book either because they don't know Christ or because,
like Abraham, they don't trust the living word enough to see them through the
difficult situations they find themselves in throughout any given day.2
Likewise, it is written to those women who are
ready to do things God's way. It is written to those women who are seeking
the wisdom that can only come from God. It is written to those women who
are good candidates for becoming members of Sarah's tribe. In other words,
it is written to those women who have given up on finding all their answers to
a good marriage by reading Cosmopolitan or by watching Oprah Winfrey.
Okay, if this passage is for a small subgroup
within the Christian community than it is one of those passages most of us can
ignore. Not really! We're wrong for at least two reasons. A) If
you're an older woman, you may find yourself in a situation where you have the
opportunity to counsel a young mother who is looking for answers. B) Whether
you are a man or a woman this passage is the second of two illustrations that
show us that submission to those in authority over us is not only fitting, i.e.
beautiful, it is powerful. It is powerful because it always involves a
third party. It always involves God who exercises his power on our behalf. This
is a lesson we all need regardless of age or gender.
Looking at the passage itself, we find that Peter
sets forth a principle in vv. 1 -2, describes the practice of submission in vv.
3 - 4, and gives us an example or pattern for submission in vv. 5 - 6.
The principle is "win him over without words." Without
words? Yes, without words. We tend to think of words as all powerful. They
can be powerful, that is persuasive, especially in the hands of a skilled orator. But
they are not all powerful. After all, if your husband is indifferent to
God's Word, what makes you think he will pay any attention to your words?
Notice what will communicate volumes. Your
behavior! It is your walk and not your lip that will capture your husbands
attention. The word translated as "see" in v. 2 doesn't refer
to a "quick glance" but rather a through evaluation. When they
see that your behavior is pure day-in and day-out their hearts will be open to
God's input. When they see that you are free of ulterior motives and/or
subtle manipulation you, and God, will have his attention.
Also, we reverence something when we acknowledge
its proper place in the scheme of things and respond appropriately. We
show respect for God when we acknowledge him as the Lord of lords and respond
to him accordingly by obeying him. Woman show respect for their husbands
not by reminding them again and again that they are called to be the head of
the household, but by treating them as the head of the household. In other
words, lip service to his headship is irreverent. For he is the head of
the household whether he is acting like it or not.
Now, what does this look like in practice? In
practice a woman is not to focus her attention solely on outward adornment. A
beautiful hairstyle, flashy jewelry, and expensive clothes are not the key elements
to stimulating your husband's leadership qualities. There is no garment
that can cover a critical spirit, a smart mouth, or a rebellious heart. In
short, you can't change someone's heart simply by changing your clothes!
This is not the message advertisers want us to
hear. They want us to believe that the clothes we wear make all the difference
in the world. A lady by the name of Marian Jordan, who has been redeemed,
in her own words, from "hookups, hangovers, and heartbreaks" said in yesterday's
Tribune that there was a time in her life that she wanted to be like Sarah Jessica
Parker on the HBO hit Sex and the City. She acknowledged that, at the time,
she most identified with Carrie Bradshaw (as played by Sarah Jessica Parker)
whom HBO describes this way:
"A fashion chameleon, Carrie can start her day looking like a streetwise
pixie, change into a neo-Bohemian outfit for lunch, don an elegant princess dress
for dinner and slip in to a skin-baring ensemble for a late-night party. Every
season, she makes a signature statement through her accessories."
But her signature statement is looking for love in all the wrong places and in
all the wrong ways. Peter, on the other hand, tells us what a beautiful
woman really looks like in real life.
Finally, why would any woman submit to an unbelieving
husband? After all, there is no guarantee that God will act on her behalf. And
even if there was a guarantee, nothing commits God to a speedy response. Oh
sure, he may exercise his power on your behalf. But that could be next
week, next year, or ten years later. So let me ask you again, why would
any woman submit to an unbelieving husband?
In truth, she would be reluctant to do so. And
if she chose not to, we would be hesitant to blame her. I think this is
why Sarah is given as the pattern for women. She is given to women as an
example for three reasons. First of all, she did obey Abram. She
submitted herself to his decisions even when those decisions placed her in a
difficult situation. Second, she respected Abram. While obedience
referred to her actions, respect for her husband referred to her overall attitude
toward him. It's not that she necessarily went around calling him "lord." Though
she may have used this term from time to time, her reverence for him was primarily
seen in her attitude toward him.
Third, and this is what we really need to take
note of, she did not give way to fear (6b). This implies that there were
times when she was genuinely fearful, if not for her life, certainly for her
well-being. When Pharaoh took her into his palace, for example, she could
have easily been called into his presence to be "entertained" by her. Fear
could have very easily overruled her decision to obey her husband. To her
credit, however, she consistently chose to trust God to take good care of her.
How about us? Do we trust God enough to
take good care of us? And what about Angela? If she was
indeed our neighbor, would she see us trusting God in difficult circumstances? Would
she regard us a bona fide member of Sarah's tribe?
1 The American Heritage College Dictionary gives us the
following definition. Nag - 1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining,
or urging. 2. To torment persistently, as with pain. - intr. 1. To scold,
complain, or find fault constantly. 2. To be a constant source
of anxiety or annoyance. - n. One who nags. [Prob. of Scand. orig; akin to
ON gnaga, to bite, gnaw.]
2 For example in Genesis 12:10 - 16 we read:
Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram
went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. 11
As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what
a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say,
'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13
Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my
life will be spared because of you."
When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw
that she was a very beautiful woman. 15 And when Pharaoh's officials
saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. 16
He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male
and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels.
At first glance, this appears to be a pretty
good decision on Abram's part. Wrong! In short order this decision
to pass off his wife as his sister led to Abram and Sarai being kicked out
of Egypt. They were booted out because Abram didn't trust God enough
to tell Pharaoh the truth. PETER: THE MAN AND HIS LETTERS 2/17/08 1
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