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THE DOMESTIC SCENE!
THE HUSBAND’S ROLE - PART I
Becky is presently a long term substitute for one of the mathematic
teachers at Chandler High School. For the sake of the learning experience,
as well as
the paycheck, she was, and is, willing to tackle the hard job of being a substitute
among high school students who don’t always treat regular teachers with
respect. It’s been a tough nine-weeks for Becky but she has hung in there
and learned a few things - the hard way.
What made matters a wee bit more difficult is that during her planning period,
her room was not her own. She couldn’t have a little peace and quiet,
she couldn’t enjoy the room without kids in it, for during 2nd hour a
Mr. Merrill used it for his class. The good news, however, is that he didn’t
mind her staying in the room and working at her desk.
Of course, what she didn’t realize, was that Mr. Merrill has the strange
habit of including others, even teachers, in his lessons. At first she didn’t
know what to make of it, or him, but she soon realized that she was just part
of the entertainment. And being one of the props was the price of staying in
the room during her planning hour.
Well, over the nine weeks I came to know Becky well enough that I felt that
she could probably handle what I believe is the definition of a good teacher.
So I sat down with her one day and shared with her a definition that is not
shared by most teachers in most schools. At least, you’d never suspect
that they shared this definition. I told her, “a good teacher is someone
who never sends anyone to the office.”
I told her, that within five years of teaching, I realized that this is how
teachers are evaluated by administrators, secretaries, and others in the office.
On the surface, of course, it is a definition that is totally unacceptable
to the NEA for it doesn’t address most of the factors deemed important
within a classroom. It doesn’t address learning styles, SAT results,
classroom climate, or even the concept of an age-appropriate curriculum.
On the other hand, it addresses the key issue. For what the definition really
says is that a good teacher knows he or she is ultimately responsible for everything
that happens within the classroom - good or bad. A good teacher knows that
he or she is the head of the classroom.
If a class isn’t getting much done, it’s because the teacher is
not well-prepared. If a class doesn’t score well on the AIMS test, it
is because the teacher has not defined the objectives well enough or has drifted
away from them. If a class is out of control, it means that the teacher is
not present - physically, mentally, or emotionally. And, if a teacher must
send a student to the office, it is because the teacher hasn’t figured
out how to reach that student’s heart. Like it or not, every teacher
must come to the realization that they are the head of the classroom. What
happens within their classroom, good or bad, ultimately depends upon them.
With this in mind, look at Ephesians 5:21 - 33, we read:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your
husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ
is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the
church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In
this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who
loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no-one ever hated his own body,
but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are
members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32
This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the
wife must respect her husband.
This passage of Scripture is sometimes called the “submission” passage.
I suppose it has been so tagged because some autocratic husband found it to
be a handy club as he played King-of-the-Mountain at home. But, in reality,
this passage has far more to say to the husband than it does the wife.
Granted, it does command wives to submit to their husbands. Furthermore, “subjection” is
a military term which signifies a “standing under” the rank or
position of another being. It gives positional-power to the husband. So if
a husband wished to pick this passage up and mold it into the shape of a baseball
bat there is enough material here to do so. But, in doing so he must ignore,
to the peril of his family as well as himself, the bulk of the passage.
For the bulk of the passage focuses its attention on the role of the husband.
And the first thing it says about husbands is that they are the “head
of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”
This verse, according to all the wantabe-autocrats out there, simply reinforces
their position-of-power. I mean, as they see it, this verse, verse 23a in particular,
gives them the right to be Attila the Hun within their own home, the Resident
Caliph, the Big Honcho, and/or the King-of-the-Mountain!
This, however, is true for those who read the first part of the verse and go
no further in the verse or the passage. It is true only for those who ignore
the fact that they are to be “heads” as Christ is the head of the
church. For Jesus said that if you want to be King-of-the-Mountain, if you
want to be the Big Honcho, then stop trying to climb all over everybody and
start serving them. For in Matthew 20:20 - 28, he said:
Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling
down, asked a favor of him. 21 "What is it you want?" he asked. She
said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right
and the other at your left in your kingdom." 22 "You don't know what
you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am
going to drink?" "We can," they answered. 23 Jesus said to them, "You
will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me
to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by
my Father."
24 When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers.
25 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the
Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over
them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you
must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--
28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give
his life as a ransom for many.
James and John solicited their mother to negotiate for positions of power and
leadership on their behalf. After all, how could someone’s boss fail
to heed the request of a mother who is simply wanting what is best for her
two dear sons? Well, Jesus did deny the request and he did it by turning his
attention to James and John.
Then, when the remaining ten disciples heard about it, they became indignant.
They were incensed because they thought they were as qualified to serve to
the left and right of Jesus as were the Zebedee brothers - Zebedoo and Zebedah!
To them, and to us, Jesus said that if you want to get to the top then start
serving others. For in God’s scheme of things, the road to greatness
is found on the servant’s road. Now, what is remarkable, is that he didn’t
even let himself off the hook. For he said of himself, “the Son of Man
did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for
many.”
Two side notes are needed in regards to Jesus’ words. First, we need
to note that he wasn’t an anarchist. Jesus was well aware of the need
for good leadership and he provided it. But, he told the disciples and he tells
us that the best way to display it, to earn it, is through servanthood.
Second, we are pretty adept at acting like we are servants when in actuality
we are simply using servanthood to get what we want. For example, one of the
fast food chains used to have the slogan “We do it all for you!” while
another one had the slogan, “We do it your way!”. Both used the
language of servanthood, but if you were to walk into their corporate headquarters
you would realize that it isn’t really “all for you.” It
is just that the language of servanthood makes for good business.
What is true in the corporate world can be equally true in the church and in
our homes. You and I, for the benefit of what it can do for us, can play the
role of a servant. We can especially play the role of a servant as long as
we are not treated like a servant. But, the moment we feel like we are being
treated like a servant than we realize that we don’t like the game we’re
playing. And we don’t like it because we really don’t have a servant’s
heart; we have a selfish heart.
So what does Scripture mean when it tells us that “the husband is the
head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church”? It is telling
us that the “head of the wife” or the “head of the home” is
the husband who has chosen to serve his wife and children. Yes, he is the leader.
He is the “head” of the home. He is the one responsible for what
happens within the home. But, he exercises his leadership by truly serving
those under his charge.
Now before we move on to the next thing this passage says to husbands, I want
the men to brainstorm possible answers to this question, “How do we think
we serve our wives? And I want the women to brainstorm possible answers to
a similar question, “How does my husband serve me best? or “How
would I like to be served by my husband?”.
In short, are we on the same wavelength? As men are we really serving our wives
or do we just think we are serving them? Do we really know what those under
our charge need? How do we find out?
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